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but you’re just a boy
you don’t understand
yeah you don’t understand
how it feels to love a girl someday
you wish you were a better man
you don’t listen to her
you don’t care how it hurts
until you lose the one you wanted
cause you’ve taken her for granted
and everything you have got destroyed
but you’re just a boy
if I were a boy, I wouldn’t have done what you’ve done
xx
We don’t have to spend forever being with someone we love. We just need one long happy time being with that very special one…
Quality matters, mate 
xx
It’s just a few days before ill be graduated. A BA (Hons) title will be given to me after 4 difficult years (should’ve been only 3, but you know what happened on my first 3 semesters ^_^). Now im so nervous about it. Not only bout the outfit im gonna wear on Monday, but also about what’ll come next after my graduation day.
What will I be after my graduation day? Will I be still the stupid young lady who wastes the parents’ money? Will I be another silly jobless with a degree try to survive in this uber mean world?
Things haven’t been so easy for me lately. Parents, siblings, love-life (can you believe it anyway?), financial issue, and my health. They’re all in my head.
I wanna quit being someone’s burden. Especially Papa. I know he’s been thinking about me a lot. Very acceptable. I’m his first, and im not the one he wanted me to be. He looks much older than his actual age coz of me.
Ill be 22 soon… numbers of things I have achieved in the last 22 years of my life?? None. Zero. That’s sad… and pathetic.
What should I do?? What would I do??
And now I have to think about which shoes are gonna suit my outfit for my graduation day…
Life ain’t easy, friends! Unfortunately… it’s not a life if it’s easy.
xx
- “The chance never knocks on your door. Step forward, break the door, and you’ll see the chance is right there waiting for you” -Papa
- “I’m not stupid, Vel. I’m just not smart…” -Frej-
- “You’ve got the capacity to be the person you always want to be. You’ll be that person if you stop bothering what others say about your dreams” -a stranger I met in a railway station-
- “You think I’m a doctor because I wanted to or love this job so much? Wrong! I’m a doctor coz I think im so hot in doctor’s uniform” -Doc Chris Schwaller-
- ” Need an upgrade? Talk to the purser on board. She’ll arrange it for you. It’s much cheaper in the air rather than here on the ground” -a BA ground staff when I was asking if I could get my ticket upgraded-
- “I don’t love you. I just can’t get you out of my mind since the first day I met you, and since that day too I couldn’t see a future without you being here with me” -a very well trained bastard-
- “Owwwh my gosh! I can’t believe im in love with you, little ugly monkey who always keeps me waiting in your beautiful BMW while you’re busy with your mates!!” -my sister, talking to her boyfriend on the fone-
There’s something wrong dengan priaku… last weekend dia gak balapan karena ada satu orang pembalap asal Brazil yang lebih muda dari aku menggantikan posisi dia (F$%K!!! for him being younger than moi!)
Release yang dikeluarkan dari team hanya menyebutkan bahwa pembalap itu akan mengendarai mobil yang biasanya dipakai sama Caspian ku… aku cukup sedih untuk dia. Walaupun aku gak tahu apa alasan sebetulnya dibalik semua itu. Apa dia sedih juga???
Kekhawatiran aku sudah terjawab. Ternyata aku gak sekedar ’sok sensitive’. I really felt apa yang mungkin dia rasakan saat itu. Semua kekhawatiran dan keresahan hati dia.
So… dengan ini, apakah berarti dia soulmate ku?? hahaha. Soalnya kata Mummy ku tercinta, hanya seorang soulmate yang bisa merasakan apa yang dirasakan partnernya. Though he’s not… yet 
xx
Here’s the deal… some people consider me makes the word of love sounds so cheap. Why? Simply because I say that L word to pretty much everyone around me. Now im asking back, is it wrong to tell people how I feel bout them?
im telling you something. I almost become like a man when it goes to love. I really mean what I say and that’s a big deal for me (yep, darling! believe it or not but men take love seriously!). When I say I love you to someone, it means that I really love that someone. That’s someone has been so special to me and I really appreciate his/her presence in my life. And that’d be a forever commitment.
I never want to make that I love you thing becomes only a phrase that sweeten the relationship. It comes from my heart… and I won’t say that if I feel it wrong to say that. I want that word comes from me genuinely, so the person im talking to knows exactly that I really mean what I say.
I say I love you to my parents, my siblings, my best friends, my friends, my doctors, and even to my maids. That’s because I really love them. I want them to know how much im grateful for having them as part of my life. The present me is what they have made me into…
I’ve got some troubles with this I love you thing too anyway. Once my friend’s girlfriend was really mad at me because I texted her boyfriend and it was ended with a sweet “I love you” at the end of the text 
it took sometimes to explain the whole things to her.
Another trouble was some people (well… GUYS) interpret my I love you thing differently sometimes. They thought that because I said I love you to them then I was into them. Too bad, it doesn’t go that way. Love is way too general for me that it’s not always in romantic context.
I still say I love you to my ex… and I do still love him, as a friend ^_^
However, there’s someone ill never be able to say I love you to, well at least at the present time. God knows how much I really want to say it to that person… but it is harder than I thought he’s way too special that I think I need to figure out the most special way to tell him how much he means to me. Soon I wish…
You know what? Letting everyone you love that you love them is a good therapy for you. It makes you happy… lots happier. And the most important is it makes the people you send your love to are happy too. For me, nothing more precious than seeing the smiles on the persons I love because they know how much I love them
xx
tapi aku kok ada feeling there’s something happen to him. Kayaknya dia lagi ada permasalahan atau apa. Perasaanku gak enak aja… tiba-tiba worry yang berlebihan tentang pria ku itu.
lihat ke website nya dia, sepertinya sih gak ada problem. tapi waktu lihat ke website team nya… aku rasa sepertinya ada masalah. Dunno, apa aku yang sok peka atau memang aku peka. Dari kemarin aku tiba-tiba lagi mau doakan pria ku itu supaya diberi kesabaran dan ketabahan sama Tuhan (biasanya sih berdoanya supaya dia dijauhkan dari wanita-wanita di lingkungan kerja dia. hehe…)
One thing for sure… aku lagi kangen sama dia. Sampai kemarin aku iseng gak ada kerjaan, aku naik motor ke sirkuit sendirian. Sore-sore… dengan excuse mau jogging. Padahal sih disana, duduk… dan menangis! hahaha. PMS effect, tapi yang ini pasca nya
O ya… aku mau cerita. Gak pernah sekalipun aku ragu tentang perasaanku. Aku sayang banget sama dia dan aku percaya doaku. Sekarang aku tinggal usaha, dan tunggu kemana nasib akan membawaku. Am i being too naive?
Papa bilang, you can’t wait the chance knocks on your door. You must break the door to see the chances. Berarti it’s moi who should move first. Bagaimana caranya?
aku belum bosan. capek juga belum. ini bukan ‘quick love’… dan aku mau buktikan itu. adakah yang lebih hebat dibandingkan doa dan usaha yang sungguh-sungguh? kalau ada, let me know… let me try it…
xx
