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First of all… OMG!!! LAMA BANGET GAK POSTING DISINI!!!! hahaha. It’s not that I forgot that I’ve got an account here, but apparently i didn’t put wordpress on my bookmark so I write a lil bit more on my other page. But I wrote most of them in my mother’s language (literally) which is Indonesian language.
Soooo… lots of things have been goin on here. My reconciliation my Mummy and Papa, starting up a new business with my sister, taking deutschkurs, dealing with my mummy’s mourn of Michael Jackson’s death, frequently asking my self why i suddenly want to be a mother soon, and trying to get the immigration office issue a new passport for me.
Y’all hear it right, people. I’m taking deustchkurs while I once swore that I’ll never learn that language. I’m going to Switzerland next year, for studying. That’s why im doing an intensive class in deustch until next April. So far, I’ve got no problem with people asking me deutsch. As long as the question isn’t so different from woher kommt du? hehe.
As im a very much jobless right now, im back to my old routine: being an impulsive shopper. And that’s not good at all!!! My parents have decided to cut out my credit cards allowance. In fact, they have already blocked 4 of them. It brought me a small wave of depression at first, but I think I handled it well 
Now I’ve got a nearly acute insomnia and glad to tell that it has nothing to do with my parents blocked my precious plastics
Anyway, it’s been almost a month since Mr. Jackson passed away. My mother is still very much in a mourn though. I really can’t tell if it is because she loves Michael Jackson (even more than she loves my Papa? hehe) or she’s sad with the fact that im kinda familiar with the drugs assumed to be killing The King of Pop? Not to say my cousin already predicted that I might die the way Michael Jackson died.
That’s all pals 
I’ll close it with a promise that ill be back in Europe… soon!!!!!!!!!! 
Miss you all sooooo much.
xx
im completely recovered today, and i think im such in a better mood. That’s why i decided to write about what happened two nights a go that make me think a lot about this one particular person these days.
I went seeing Twilight with my sister two days a go. At the same day some hours later, I was driving my sister home from her pre-med school classes. I was a bit drowsy coz I took some medicines to cure my flu. The only way to kept me awake was talking. I started the conversation.
Me: So… that Twilight movie. It was good, wasn’t it?
Sist: Yep. I loved it. I think im gonna see it again with my friends this weekend
Me: Cool. Say hi to Jasper from me.
both of us were giggling, talking about how we adore The Cullens
Me: I think it’s just too good to be true…
Sist: What?
Me: Bella n Edward. The ‘you’re my life now’ part is just soooo… well, you know…
Sist: Yeah. Too good to be true, but it’s true. I’ve seen it.
Me: In that movie, yeah… me too
Sist: You don’t have any idea what im talking about here, do you?
Me: ??
Sist: It was you and A****W my dear sister. Seeing Bella and Edward is like a flashback to me. Some years ago, when all the craziness was all around. But it was beautiful.
Me: *wasn’t sure what i was doing, but i know i was driving and tried not to bring back all the memories*
Sist: It was exactly like that. Now you know how I felt when I saw you both at that time. We’re even now…
Me: *still in my silent moment*
Sist: To make you feel a little better, your A****W’s mercedes in London is hotter than Edward’s Volvo. Pretty similar style in outfit, but A****W was more colourful. Same pale… wait, did he shine in the sunlight? Don’t tell me he’s a vampire too.
I never answered my sister’s question since we already arrived at home when she came up with that question. However, I’m sure A****W isn’t a vampire and no, he didn’t shine like a diamond in the sunlight
I couldn’t sleep that night. Followed by the mellow mood the day after. Even now im still thinking about what my sister said. Bella and Edward = Me and A****W.
Ill be goin out and see Twilight again today. Alone. Ill see if my sister was right about it…
xx
… but im still ill. Woke up this morning, taking my green tea before heading to the bathroom and wash my hair. At 8 am, i laid down in my mother’s sun bed at the balcony. it was real warm, not too hot. It was just perfect. Never had this kind of morning sunshine since some times ago. Mummy and Papa were off to work, my sister and brother were already at school, the maids are cleaning out the bedrooms. I was literally alone… so peaceful.
I fell asleep after 5 mins laying down there… and i was dreaming about him! Thanks to what my sister said a night earlier when I drove her home from her pre-med school classes. im gonna tell you later what it was about, when im already in a better mood.
That’s it… my wonderful silent moment was interrupted by my endless coughs. It was 9.15 am. A good reminder that I should take my meds.
Now here I am… done with breakfast and the meds I hope im gonna stop takin tomorrow. A bit dozy… thinking about someone whom i shouldn’t think about.
The sun still shines brightly outside… such a wasting if i spend it in my room. but dunno… i feel so mellow today. Watching PS. I Love You while curling in my bed is an idea just came through my mind. Think im gonna do that now.
ciao…
xx
It’s just a few days before ill be graduated. A BA (Hons) title will be given to me after 4 difficult years (should’ve been only 3, but you know what happened on my first 3 semesters ^_^). Now im so nervous about it. Not only bout the outfit im gonna wear on Monday, but also about what’ll come next after my graduation day.
What will I be after my graduation day? Will I be still the stupid young lady who wastes the parents’ money? Will I be another silly jobless with a degree try to survive in this uber mean world?
Things haven’t been so easy for me lately. Parents, siblings, love-life (can you believe it anyway?), financial issue, and my health. They’re all in my head.
I wanna quit being someone’s burden. Especially Papa. I know he’s been thinking about me a lot. Very acceptable. I’m his first, and im not the one he wanted me to be. He looks much older than his actual age coz of me.
Ill be 22 soon… numbers of things I have achieved in the last 22 years of my life?? None. Zero. That’s sad… and pathetic.
What should I do?? What would I do??
And now I have to think about which shoes are gonna suit my outfit for my graduation day…
Life ain’t easy, friends! Unfortunately… it’s not a life if it’s easy.
xx
- It could be moi… hehe
Here is another craziness of mine. I think i wanna be a flight attendant… huahahahaha. with this height, im thinking to gain a career as a flight attendant!!! My papa looked at me with the look which says ‘what the heck is on your mind?’ when i came up with this idea
not only papa actually… friends, other family members, and even some people i don’t know acted the same. Hehehe.
One person gives me one genuine smile on my idea, i will love him/her forever!!! hehe
xx
Hahahaha… you think im really pregnant? No, mate. Im not pregnant… yet Well, actually that is my fav line to say to the police officer when im caught not using the seat belt guess what? Some of the officers here in Indonesia buy my words… ;-p
I know it is very important to use the seat belt while driving, but I’ve never been so comfy using the seat belt. the only circumstance when I feel like I really need to use seat belt is when im feeling so drowsy while im driving. Like my dad, I tend to drive much faster when im sleepy. I think by driving faster ill get to the place where im going much sooner. The sooner I got to the place where im going, the sooner I can find a place to lie down and sleep
Anyway, I started to use the line of “im sorry but im 3 weeks pregnant” when an officer stopped me near a hospital. The reason? Of course because of me not using the seat belt after a couple of mins arguing, finally the officer released me without any charge. But I had to turn my car to the hospital to ensure the officer that I was on my way to see my ob/gyn! I stayed in the hospital parking lot for couple of mins. Hehe. It worked for an officer, so I think it’s gonna work for many other officers too
Its so funny to think how different each of the police officer reacted when I told them that im pregnant the sweetest one would be when an officer busy explained me how to use the seat belt properly during the pregnancy
Some officers seemed not to believe me too though. They said I looked too young to be pregnant, Some said that im not lucky enough to have a husband/boyfriend/life partner (they really said those all! Hehe… they were not sure about my status there) who still let me driving while im pregnant, and the worst would be “You don’t seem to be pregnant to me”. You will never be able to imagine how hard I was trying not to laugh on their faces
If only they knew they’ve been duped! What a sinner I’ve been
xx
There’s something wrong dengan priaku… last weekend dia gak balapan karena ada satu orang pembalap asal Brazil yang lebih muda dari aku menggantikan posisi dia (F$%K!!! for him being younger than moi!)
Release yang dikeluarkan dari team hanya menyebutkan bahwa pembalap itu akan mengendarai mobil yang biasanya dipakai sama Caspian ku… aku cukup sedih untuk dia. Walaupun aku gak tahu apa alasan sebetulnya dibalik semua itu. Apa dia sedih juga???
Kekhawatiran aku sudah terjawab. Ternyata aku gak sekedar ’sok sensitive’. I really felt apa yang mungkin dia rasakan saat itu. Semua kekhawatiran dan keresahan hati dia.
So… dengan ini, apakah berarti dia soulmate ku?? hahaha. Soalnya kata Mummy ku tercinta, hanya seorang soulmate yang bisa merasakan apa yang dirasakan partnernya. Though he’s not… yet
xx
tapi aku kok ada feeling there’s something happen to him. Kayaknya dia lagi ada permasalahan atau apa. Perasaanku gak enak aja… tiba-tiba worry yang berlebihan tentang pria ku itu.
lihat ke website nya dia, sepertinya sih gak ada problem. tapi waktu lihat ke website team nya… aku rasa sepertinya ada masalah. Dunno, apa aku yang sok peka atau memang aku peka. Dari kemarin aku tiba-tiba lagi mau doakan pria ku itu supaya diberi kesabaran dan ketabahan sama Tuhan (biasanya sih berdoanya supaya dia dijauhkan dari wanita-wanita di lingkungan kerja dia. hehe…)
One thing for sure… aku lagi kangen sama dia. Sampai kemarin aku iseng gak ada kerjaan, aku naik motor ke sirkuit sendirian. Sore-sore… dengan excuse mau jogging. Padahal sih disana, duduk… dan menangis! hahaha. PMS effect, tapi yang ini pasca nya
O ya… aku mau cerita. Gak pernah sekalipun aku ragu tentang perasaanku. Aku sayang banget sama dia dan aku percaya doaku. Sekarang aku tinggal usaha, dan tunggu kemana nasib akan membawaku. Am i being too naive?
Papa bilang, you can’t wait the chance knocks on your door. You must break the door to see the chances. Berarti it’s moi who should move first. Bagaimana caranya?
aku belum bosan. capek juga belum. ini bukan ‘quick love’… dan aku mau buktikan itu. adakah yang lebih hebat dibandingkan doa dan usaha yang sungguh-sungguh? kalau ada, let me know… let me try it…
xx
So many things in my head now. It feels like I wanna pour them all in a writing piece, but I can’t. Simply because it’s been too many… and I really dunno where to start.
Anyway, yesterday I did my newest weekly routine, which is going to the cinema alone and watch some movies till I got bored. Everyone consider it weird. And I wonder why. There’s nothing wrong with that, showing a bit of my loner side
Met a friend there and she looked so shocked when I told her that I was alone. She was like, “I thought you were with your man”. Bloody hell!!! How many times do I have to announce to the world that I’m bloody single??!!?? But well… just forget that part. Nature’s calling and that saved me from the awkward situation with my friend.
This routine started couple weeks ago when I really wanted to see a movie but I had no accompany to go with. So I went alone… and that was cool enough for me. As you may guess, it continued to another movie at the very next week. I collect all the movies tickets where im going there alone. That’d be a good reminder how lonely I’ve once been. Hehehe
Not only going to the cinema, now I really enjoy my self walking around a shopping mall or hanging out at starbucks with tons of caffeine for hours… amazingly alone. Something I will never do in the past, considering I couldn’t even go to the grocery store which is just 100 meters away from my house alone.
It’s not because im such an anti-social person who’s got no friends to go out with. I’ve got plenty of options. But I chose not to choose :-p Me kinda wants to avoid complexity now… by doing everything alone, it’s just gonna be me and my self. No other involved, which makes me such a self-centered person (again). Anyway, that’d be a great match for my new love he’s such a self-centered person as well, I heard :-p
However, I think I have one (sorta) big reason for being alone. I don’t wanna make any mistakes, as simple as that. Especially now. By being alone, all the mistakes can be lessen and it’s only gonna be me who will deal with the ‘mistakes effects’.
One thing I still cannot do alone until now. Go to the clubs… though im not so into it anymore. I don’t think ill ever go to the clubs again
However, a loner clubhopper would be a great story to make :-p
xx
